Archive for kagagahang taglay
Puyat+Hangover = Dyosang Bangag
Nasubukan mo na ba yung sa sobrang antok mo e hindi mo na halos madilat ang mata mo?
Malamang, oo noh?
Ganyan yung nangyari sa akin kahapon.
Daig ko pa ang comatose patient kahapon ng umaga.
Nakatulala.
Feeling ko nagshutdown ang utak ko.
Ayaw talaga gumana.
Tatlong paracetamol na ang tinira ko, pero walang epek. Sinamahan ko na nga ng isang galong tubig. Para lang mawala na yung pesteng headache na yan, pero iba din ang powers ng hangover at puyat.
Oo, puyat at kalasingan ang tumalo sa isang Dyosang katulad ko.
Uminom din ako ng 2 tasang kape. Baka sakaling magising ako at mawala ang antok ko.
Pucha, feeling ko bumilis lang ang heart rate ko. Hindi man lang nakatulong yung black liquid na yun.
Buti nga, wala si bossing sa opisina e. Kaya wala namang nagyawyaw sa akin.
Pag uwi ko sa bahay, I attempted pa na magbasa, pero hindi ko na kaya. 10pm na ako dumating. Masakit na talaga yung mata. Paglapat ng likod ko sa kama, wala na, nasign out na ako.
Pero as of today, okay na.
Kahit papano, nakabawi na.
Gangue Thoughts 07
Short conversation with a guy whose name sounded like a car brand (and noh, it is not Toyota…)
Scenario: Last night I attended an informal gathering wherein one of the expats here in our workplace is about to leave the company. They planned a sort of farewell party to him, in which all are invited. While I was in the line of getting some food, this guy had approached me.
Carboy: Ate, hindi ka ba nahihiya, party itong pinuntahan mo (while giving me a look from head to toe)
(I looked at what I am wearing. Casual shorts, Ipanema slippers, brown shirt, hair combed in place)
Nephrite: So? Teka anong masama sa suot ko? At least ako, umuwi muna, naligo at bumalik dito. E ikaw?
(Pinagpatuloy ko na lang ang pagkuha ng PUTAnesca at LECH(E)on
Bitchy moments can sometimes be a good appetizer don’t you think?!
——
Latest Updates:
Confirm na.
Nanenok/nawala talaga yung cellphone ko.
Hay… kagagahan taglay talaga Nephrite.
Paano na yung mga scandals mo dun? Dami mo pa namang….
May mga SOT pa dun.
At mga sikretong kapag nabunyag e makakasira ng reputasyon mo (kung meron ka pa nga ba nun)
Hay….
Gudlak sa yo ineng…
————–
Nawawala….
At sana bumalik naman siya…
Grabe, ngayon ko lang narealize kung gaano siya kahalaga sa akin.
Feeling ko, a part of me had also been gone.
Ang hirap pala.
Nakakalungkot.
Nakakafrustrate.
Hanggang ngayon, hindi pa rin makapaniwala na wala na siya sa buhay ko.
Gusto kong magmakaawa.
Hindi ko yata kayang hindi siya makasama.
Ang hirap isipin na ang mga susunod na mga araw e hindi ko na siya makikita. Hindi ko na siya mkakapiling.
Iba yung nararamdaman ko ngayon.
Yung sobrang pangungulila.
Napamahal na siya sa akin. Matagal na kaming magkasama. Katabi ko siya sa pagtulog. Siya din ang gumigising sa akin sa umaga. Kausap ko siya sa panahon na masaya ako, at kadamay ko din siya sa mga panahong nakakatanggap ako ng malulungkot na balitang bumabago sa buhay ko.
Sana hindi ka nawala sa buhay ko.
Bumalik ka na.
Dito lang naman ako.
Naghihintay.
…May magsoli na sana ng cellphone ko!!!!!
Catatonic @ Work
Spend half of my day attending a boring management meeting.
And I have to endure that.
You see, I am not good in meetings. In fact, if I could escape all those meetings altogether, I would be a happy employee already. Besides, I am just a wallflower during that times. A waste of oxygen in the room.
And I tend to sleep during meetings.
Yep, you heard it right.
I remember this incident when I have to act as a notetaker during one of those so-called “serious talks” against my will. And really, I was so bored! It is not that I don’t understand what they were saying, but mostly because some of the people here have the voices that would put Kuya Cesar (rip) into shame. They all have this monotone sounds and they kept on repeating every single thing over and over again.
That’s why I tend to be so sleepy.
And I did slept in one of those meeting. My boss had to pinched my arm when he saw my head bowing down. After that, I received a very good scolding.
Urghh..
There was also another time that I was talking to another boss. He was giving me some instruction regarding this particular task he had assigned me to, and the next thing I knew, I was dozing off in front of him! (Honestly, I find this so funny). He has to strike a pencil on my forehead just so he could wake me up.
Yeah, catatonic at work at its finest.
Fon Interbyu
S(u)acking
For someone who was been a self-confessed “mataray” and downright bitchy, I have this humiliating habit.
I sucked during interviews.
And no, sucking in that way is never, and I mean, NEVER a good way.
I would like to make some excuse but I guess it would only make me pathetic even more. The so called reputation I have had been out in the drain after the people learned that incident.
And now they think I am just a poser.
Urghh!
This is killing me.
Pain Triggers
Here I am doing some last minute editing for the report that was assigned to me a week ago, the deadline is today and so I am hurrying off and being frantic about it. To allow myself to drain out the obnoxious noises from the office I tried listening to a playlist that I had saved before in my windows media player and suddenly I heard the voice of Israel Kamikawiwo’ole crooning the Somewhere Over The Rainbow/What A Wonderful World song.
And then it hit me.
It is like someone had snapped me from my reverie and allow the memories of you to keep flooding into my brain.
Thoughts of you had swirled of my mind.
Of course, I am this so called pseudo-masochist which I hid in the word called “indifference”. Because if I am not that stupid, why would I still allow myself to surround my world with things that could remind me of you.
Books that you had lent me to read.
The spiderman blanket that you had given me to kept me warm. And yeah, it brings back the days when the we try to snuggle and fit the two of us with that.
The tinkerbell mug that I still use to make coffee with. And no, I don’t blame you anymore for making me become a caffeine addict…again.
A lot of things.
Including songs like this one.
Many had called me a bitch, and some other profanities but I was never labeled off as hypocrite.
And to say that despite all the cock and bull story that you formulated and led me to believed, the fact remains that I still do miss you and I know it is wrong and yet I couldn’t help myself.
That is why during this time I am praying to God to be more understanding about my predicament. To give me some slack about my setbacks and have faith in me that I could try to turn my back on you and forget about you altogether.
I will try to keep my face placid, give myself the much needed motivational talk, an ego booster and I shouldn’t cry, and if I did, no one should know the real reason why.
But here I am, on the verge of breaking down and the feelings that I kept trying to buried deeper than six feet under keeps on resurfacing.
Please, anyone, grant me the bliss of selective amnesia. I will try to erased all those fragments of my life, my life that I had with you.
Allow me to pop some meds that could induced some coma, for me to sleep the period where I am supposed to be moving on, on the opposite direction of you….
Ay-Si (Tanong Lang)
DISCLAIMER: Hindi po ako nang-ookray ng mga third kind ha. Actually, advocate pa ako ng GLBT Empowerment, pero I am not saying I am one of them. I just support their idealism. Kaya please lang, bawal ang violent reaction, churva about discrimination at kung anu-anong nega sa buhay. Okei?!
I just received an email today from a very close friend, who happens to be gay and sure knows what my sexual preference is.
This is the gist of the email.
“Hi Jadeite! This message is to inform you that you have received a personal invitation from your friend, [Insert friend's name here], to join them at GayGuysChat.com“.
My Reaction:
1. initial reaction after reading the email: WTF?!
2. second glance at the email: [insert friend's name here], knows I am a girl right?
3. third browse the email: What the hell is he thinking? Is [insert friend's name here] really my friend????!!!
My explanation:
1. I am a Girl. Woman. Lady. – Although I am not really that young, hence cannot be called a girl anymore, doesn’t have the right proportion to be called a woman, and doesn’t earned the sophistication and proper behavior of a lady but still, I know for a fact what my sexual orientation is.
2. I had already passed that identity crisis stage. The I-don’t-know-myself, me had been dead already. Past is past. I do not have any regret but I don’t want to go back in there anymore. (Uiii… parang nangangamoy secret ah!)
3. Kung minsan ugaling palengkera, cheap parlorista at babaeng bakla ako, pero hindi pa po ako tumawid dun. (Kung saan man yun). And wala po akong balak gawin yun. Too kingky for my taste. (hihihihihi)
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Hindi ito ang unang pangyayari na napagkakamalan akong miyembro ng “Federation”. Ewan ko ba. Dati naman, akala nila obit ako. Oo na, boses lalake ako (pero bakit si Demi Moore, sabi nyo husky ang boses nya??!!). Oo din na malakas akong magnomo (uminom) at astigin din ako, pero namaaannn… siyempre nakasanayan ko na yun. Karamihan sa barkada mo, lalaki e, kasama mo sa trabaho, karamihan lalaki, tapos tinuturing ka pa nila na one of the guys, siyempre hawa-hawa din yan.
Pero wag ka, nakatatlong invitation na ako sa Friendster, Multiply at chat sa Skype telling me na interesado sila. At take note, hindi sila mga chaka. Sa mga pinapadala nilang pictures sa akin e nakakainsecure pa nga sila kung minsan e. Ang sesexy, ang gaganda at pati ang personality nila sobrang nakakakabog!
So ngayon, ang tanong.
1. Bakit ako napagkakamalan na gay?
2. Bakit ako napagkakamalan na butch?
3. Kasalanan ko ba to?
4. Am I the source of confusion to the people around me? Am I giving them mixed signals?
Ewan. Hindi ko alam. Ayoko sagutin.
Pero kung itatanong mo yan sa mga naging Mathboys ko (i.e. “X”) e wala naman silang reklamo. Babae naman ang nakuha nila. Hindi naman daw sila nalugi.
Kung iyong mga testimonial nila e enough na, hindi na ako kikibo. Pero kung kulang pa, saka na ako, maghahagilap ng ebidensya.
Yun na.
